LINES AND PATTERNS

THE EXCUSES OF A FLIGHTY POLITICIAN: A comic poem on a political theme

(104 lines)

From the North there fell an Arctic chill

That brought everything to an abrupt standstill.

All was wintry snow and frost,

And then we began to count the cost.

Lakes and rivers were covered by icy sheets

And traffic came to a halt in all the streets.

And then the power system that we had deregulated

Made things even more complicated.

It couldn’t handle the cold, inclement weather,

And soon packed up altogether.

And so, at that most crucial and stressful hour

There was an utter absence of electrical power.

And things were even worse than many had suspected,

As we weren’t even to the national power grid connected.

Into the maelstrom we were thrown,

And the Lone Star State was on its own.

Nothing was working, there was no plan,

And from the taps no water ran.

And while drifts of snow covered each lane and street

Individuals shivered in rooms without any heat.

People couldn’t even cook a hot meal;

But we can always blame it on the Green New Deal.

But even when water could fill the sink

There wasn’t a drop of it that was fit to drink;

And out into the Arctic scene folks would go

To dig up and then melt the snow.

Daily life had become a tedious chore,

Though electricity bills still came through the door.

But that was far from being the worst,

And frozen pipes in houses burst;

Ceilings broke loose and fell to the floor

And surging flood waters crashed through the door.

With frost and snow all about

I and my family just had to get out.

A timely break couldn’t come too soon

And we booked a flight to Cancun.

The whole venture had immediate appeal

And we felt that it was no big deal.

Some said I should have stayed put, when times were tough,

but I had had just about enough.

But my little excursion on camera was caught

And my holiday escape came to naught.

The optics didn’t look too good at all,

And I was riding for a fall.

I cursed the heavens for my bad luck,

And a return flight I had to book.

I later learned, to my anger and chagrin,

That it was my so-called friends who had done me in.

They had informed on me to the press

And landed me in that unholy mess.

I had only wished to chill-out on the beach,

Out of sight and out of reach;

To see the bright and balmy days unfold,

While others froze and shivered with the cold.

I just hankered to see the Sun up in the sky,

And on the warm sands to lie;

To drink Margaritas at the hotel bars,

And in the sultry evenings to see the stars.

I knew that all my foes were hell-bent

On exploiting my embarrassing predicament.

Things were looking pretty grim,

And so I made use of the dark arts of spin;

To explain the reasons for my flight,

And to put matters in a rosier light.

I said that everyone should know

That it wasn’t at all my idea to go.

I had no wish in foreign lands to roam,

But to do my duty, and stay at home;

And to help my people, suffering in these dire times,

And not to fly to sunnier climes.

It was my kids, I claimed, who begged me to take,

That modest little holiday break.

As a parent, I only wished to do my best,

And so I acceded to their request.

But others came forth to deny what I had told

And said that my story was full of holes.

Sundry insults upon me they did dump

And said they’d sooner believe in Donald Trump.

Now that all had seen through that whole ruse

I had to think up a more plausible excuse.

I wracked my brains to come up with some explanation

That would get me out of that dire situation.

And then a fresh idea came to light,

That I dearly hoped would end my plight.

I told the press that my intention was not to stay,

And that I would be there for just a day.

I had taken the wife and kids abroad, like a trusting chaperone,

And would return at once, entirely alone.

I was a mere escort, not some sun-seeker on holiday,

Whatever my enemies might have to say.

But alas, that exercise in spin and deflection

Was all undone by a little detection.

For if I had no intention of staying in that place,

Then why had I taken a full luggage case?

I felt like a lamb driven to the slaughter,

And as a desperate PR stunt I handed out some bottles of water.

My democratic opponents harried me with more zeal

Then when I had campaigned to Stop the Steal.

But I state the facts as I see them, loud and clear,

And will with grim determination, pursue my career.

In my private moments I admit that I had made a mistake,

And I hope that people will give me a break.

But now I have one sad, last, haunting lament;

Will all this stop me from running for President?

DON’T BLAME EVERYTHING ON TRUMP

discriminatingthoughts

In a recent interview on a TV news programme a female Democrat politician and commentator seemed to imply that the Republican Party was all sweetness and light, prior to the Trump Presidency, and full of fine, upstanding pillars of the community. It was a view of the past through rose tinted spectacles, because the rot had set in long before Trump emerged onto the scene. In the early Nineteen Twenties this so called party of liberty and the individual, passed the Prohibition Act, outlawing the drinking of alcohol, and thereby gave the Mafia the biggest shot in the arm it had ever had. Indeed there is speculation that the intake of alcohol may well have gone up during that period, with people deliberately cocking a snook at an authoritarian, bullying, puritanical government, that denied them the pleasure of a drink. (Recall Groucho Marx’s famous quip: ‘I didn’t start drinking till…

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DON’T BLAME EVERYTHING ON TRUMP

In a recent interview on a TV news programme a female Democrat politician and commentator seemed to imply that the Republican Party was all sweetness and light, prior to the Trump Presidency, and full of fine, upstanding pillars of the community. It was a view of the past through rose tinted spectacles, because the rot had set in long before Trump emerged onto the scene. In the early Nineteen Twenties this so called party of liberty and the individual, passed the Prohibition Act, outlawing the drinking of alcohol, and thereby gave the Mafia the biggest shot in the arm it had ever had. Indeed there is speculation that the intake of alcohol may well have gone up during that period, with people deliberately cocking a snook at an authoritarian, bullying, puritanical government, that denied them the pleasure of a drink. (Recall Groucho Marx’s famous quip: ‘I didn’t start drinking till Prohibition’). And it all ended in disastrous failure and the prohibition act was repealed, to a huge, collective sigh of relief, during the Roosevelt years. Indeed the only people who mourned its passing were the joyless fanatics who had supported it and the Godfathers of organized crime who had made a mint as a result. Later, there were the Republican Tea-Party fanatics, with their far-right agenda, with their vows to cut back the power of the state (apart that is for the Military-Industrial Project, which they backed to the hilt), and their wish to eviscerate welfare payments for the needy; who were backed and funded by oligarchs, like the Koch brothers. There was the creation of Fox News, with a nod and a wink from the Republican Party, that rapidly became a Joseph-Goebbels style propaganda platform, spewing out hate, lies and right-wing conspiracy theories. Indeed that misinformation machine was of sterling assistance in helping get Trump elected President, and for much of his term in office served as a sycophantic echo-chamber and cheer-leader, heaping unctuous praise on every idiotic policy the Dear Leader came out with. Under the Republicans there was a Corporatist and Wall-Street agenda, with a laissez-faire and deregulated economy, that resulted in a banking crash and a huge gap in incomes between the super-rich elite and those on the bottom of the heap. (Indeed they could have echoed the line of that earlier Republican President, Calvin Coolidge, that, ‘The business of America is business’). And then under George Bush Junior you had the Big Lies about weapons of mass destruction, and some nebulous and mysterious tie-up, that was never substantiated, between Saddam Hussein and those terrorists responsible for Nine Eleven, that helped facilitate the disastrous, unilateral wars against Iraq and Afghanistan. (Though to be fair Bush has been very critical of Trump and the MAGA movement, in his recent statements, and has warned of the malign consequences that would follow if this extremist movement would take over, as it appears to be doing, the Republican Party). To blame everything on Trump, as bad and malign as he is – and to imagine that everything was hunky-dory before he arrived – is a big mistake. Trump got to the White House by exploiting widespread fears, phobias, delusions and myths that had long been cultivated by people on the right, by loud-mouthed shock-jocks, and unscrupulous outfits like Fox News. And all of those things still exist for any other ambitious right-wing demagogue to exploit. As indeed a good number are currently doing. And the next serious contender for power, amongst that grouping, might be smarter, more savvy, and as a result even more dangerous than Trump. There was no Golden Age of the Republican Party. That’s a myth. But in the shape of the MAGA Movement they have created a Frankenstein Monster over which they have no control; and the Republican Party has now gone full-Fascist – as a good number of dissident and disillusioned Republicans, who still believe in quaint old things like objective reality and the rule of law, freely admit – and poses a real threat and a menace to American democracy.

BOUNCING CHEQUE: An original cartoon by Michael Noonan

THE PLOUGHMAN’S LUNCH: An original cartoon by Michael Noonan

THE ROCK AND ROLL BAND: An original cartoon by Michael Noonan

THE ALIENS: An original cartoon by Michael Noonan

DREAM FLOWERS: An original acrylic painting by Michael Noonan

COUNT DRACULA IN HIS CARPHATHIAN CASTLE: An original painting by Michael Noonan